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Summertime, summertime, summertime…

Summertime, summertime, summertime…
Kids Home from School

There are 94 days of summer. That includes three full moons, a couple of meteor showers, at least two worrisome dry spells, repeated bouts of suffocating humidity, four dozen spectacular sunsets and a handful of "this has to be one of the most beautiful days of the year."

As you head into these fleeting summer days, with your children home, realize that the problems of parents today are as old as the Old Testament itself. In fact, in my research, I’ve discovered copies of scrolls from O.T. times that prove that parenting issues have not changed much over the centuries.

Parental Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat, of the oats and of all the cereals that are of bright colors and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of all manner of frozen desserts and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something,… then you may eat in the living room.

Parental Laws at the Table

When you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now, behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these; If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in the total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

Miscellaneous Parenting Laws, Statutes and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it is in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

This brief, and corny attempt at humor (if you know me, you know my humor is nothing if not corny) is just my way of inviting all the families at New Covenant to
fill your summer with good and profitable things,
to begin some new hobbies or further develop old ones,
to plan some outings together (and include your children in the planning),
to take walks together and appreciate the many lessons God has revealed in creation,
to work together in the yard and garden,
to go to or rent some good movies and talk about them afterwards,
to read good books together and maybe even get ahead on your Bible reading plan,
to talk about your faith and ways you might share it with your neighbors, friends, and relatives,

and in all these things…..HAVE FUN!!!